But, something was off. I wasn't really finding what I was looking for. I had been searching for stillness, and I had found it, but I still wasn't satisfied. Finally, I packed up my stuff and left... Unsatisfied. And I realized that maybe it wasn't the stillness I was looking for...
And then... Sunday morning, I wake up at the crack of dawn, I shower and get dressed for church. My handsome fiance picks me up, and we head off to church. Everything is good, I am still struggling with this desire for something, but other than that everything seems alright.
Until we get half way to Fulton. I look over at Logan and I ask him, "So when are you going to tell me Happy Birthday?"
He looks over at me with a look of disbelief, and horror. He had forgotten it was my birthday!! And we had even talked about it the night before!! And I'm not going to lie. Maybe I should have given him a little more time to wake up, and start the day before I said anything, but it still hurt... As much as I don't want to seem petty or pathetic, I was pretty upset.
So here I am, on my birthday, still unsatisfied, and disappointed... Did I mention I was also sick with a cold. You know, running nose, tightness in my chest, burning throat, pulsing headache... And now I am on the verge of tears. My entire face is leaking!!
We have our connection class, and we have our worship, and we have our service... All the while I am back and forth to the bathroom to wipe my teary eyes, and my runny nose. Consistently praying that God would DO SOMETHING to ease my weary heart...
And if you know God, and you know He is good, then you know He did SOMETHING.
The service was coming to a close, and the worship band got up to play. As I stood their listening to the words, and watching the people praise, I was overcome with this need to worship deeper then ever before. I think what finally pushed me to that worship was when a beautiful woman of God stood at the front of the church with her hands raised in total surrender... And I HAD to have it. I HAD to surrender.
I think I had joined this woman at the front of the church before I really knew what I was doing. And for the first time in this drought of praise, I finally found my way to that beautiful, still presence.
The best birthday gift I have ever received in my entire life, was this worship that filled me, and restored me, and lifted me...
I don't want you to think that I have had this beautiful experience and now my life is perfect, because it's not. I still struggle with stress, and time management, and people pleasing. But God gave me that moment of peace so that I can continue on in this journey that He has offered to lead me in.
I know I put this verse in my last post, but it still fits!
"Be still and know that I am God..."
~Psalm 46:10
My prayer is that if you are feeling dry, or confused, or distressed, or disappointed, that you will just BE QUIET. He has something for you!! All He is asking is that you will go somewhere to be alone with Him and let Him move you! It's okay to find this alone time when other people are around. If you really focus, you can find yourself absolutely and completely alone with God even if you are in a room full of people...
Like I said, this moment didn't make my life perfect. I could have a million moments like this and still not have a perfect life. But I am A Work in Progress, and I am okay if He wants to use the rest of life to work on me. Until next time.
Finally Still,
Symone Hurd
Beautiful Symone. I'm sad I missed the service.
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